How Shelly met Ruthie , Part One

This is their daughter Marissa with her brand new baby and her 2 year old. At her wedding, she told everyone that I was the one responsible for her birth because I had introduced her parents. It's a good story and long- you know how I love to go on, but it's a pretty good one. Shelly won a contest once run on a radio show asking for stories about how couples met. They won a free cruise. This muchacos, is how it went down:
In 1967 I graduated from Thomas Jefferson High School in Brooklyn. That October, we moved to Rockaway Beach. FYI, (and because it pisses me off when someone says Far Rockaway) Rockaway is 7 miles long, the eastern end is "far" therefore the western end of the peninsula can't be "near", can it?
It was winter at the beach, there were no restaurants, no shopping, no movies, no nothing, a bus and a train to get into the city, all my friends in Brooklyn and it was winter damn it. I'll never forget the hours and hours I waited for that horrible bus in the freezing wind. In mini-skirts! I digress but I told you I would.
Soon my mother started shopping at the local Waldbaum's, a NY supermarket chain that catered to Jewish tastes and carried "appetizing' which included smoked fish, herring and lox, as well as regular deli items. In those olden days, the lox had to be sliced by hand. Big Shelly aka Tex, had such a hand.
In the fullness of time a relationship developed between Tex and Mom, based on love, cold cuts and extraordinairy flirting.
One fateful day Mom ordered sliced turkey.
Mom: my daughter only likes dark meat.
Shelly: I only like white meat.
Mom: you two should get together!
Shelly: give me the number!
Mom: here it is! (I wonder that she didn't have cards printed up)
I guess she felt if she couldn't have him, then I should; Also, and more importantly she was trying to insure that I would date "a nice Jewish boy", a species I had no interest in and had previously avoided. As a child I yearned to be a beatnik in the 50's, became an atheist at 12 and was seriously on a path to anarchy by 14. The middle class and burgeoning commercialism was unappealing to me. The counter-culture was. I was becoming a hippie
She set me up on a blind date, which was against our (my) agreement and, didn't tell me first. I was steamed! Mom: he looks like Burt Reynolds! He's tall, he's Jewish! Oi vavoi! I was considering how best to deal with this beast when he called. Tex has the best phone voice, deep and mellow, so I deigned to banter with him, despite wanting to not like him just to spite my Mom. He had just got out of the army, had grown up in my Brooklyn and was amusing, so I said I'd go out with him. He came to pick me up wearing a sports jacket. I actually wore a dress, but I was also high on speed. We hit it off immediately, drove into and through Brooklyn and talked and talked till we reached the Manhattan bridge. Trying to turn around, Tex realized he had messed his transmission and could not acheive "reverse". We couldn't park or go anywhere, just we drove around till we went to the beach parking lot, where Tex made his move. I was too wired and he was too acceptable for my parents, so the move was rebuffed. Also I used to have a very keen sense of smell and poor Shelly, no matter what he used on his hands, still smelled like lox. I couldn't take it.
We became close, and called each other all the time. Once I dialed the wrong number and got one of his neighbors on the phone:"you're looking for Shelly G?"
Yes, say I. Her: Is this his fiancee? What the fuck? I replied.

Tune in next time for the another exciting installment.
I'm having root canal #2 today, wish me luck!

To be bebe

I just got a notice from an e-letter I subscribed to.
It said: Dear Being.
I love it.

Hair today - well, no

All gone, no more. I wonder if this serial haircutting is some strange form of self-abuse? It seems I must cut it every 5 weeks. My hands as if with a will of their own go straight for the scissors when wrong-facing tendrils form. It's positively Hitchcockian.
Today I came to know the source of my recent great unease now that we are sob, petless. In a moment of blinding clarity came the realization that muttering aloud endessly to oneself constitutes nut-jobitis without a cat around to listen.

I was lately disconcerted when a window popped up that said warning: batteries low, because that never happened before. I thought it was a personal observation but then I clicked on it and discovered it was a reference to the cordless mouse. Geez, I sorta have an attitude, huh? And I'm rather dopey too. And now my hair's too short, like Streisand in Yentl. We watched this for it's portayal of shtetl life despite the fact that I really depise the sound of her voice.
But I forgot just how bad movies can be and this one kindelah, is awful. A 40 year old woman with eye make-up playing a pubescent yeshiva boy?
And she sings! Terrible, terrible songs. Oy vey iz mir.

We turned the Olympics off last night when Scott Hamilton commented that the difference between the short 2 minute program and the long 4 minute program is time.Call me me an old fuddyduddy but even the sight of tiny spangly woman falling repeatedly on the ice is not worth that.

Don't take pills in the dark, I smell

I must vent frustration and anger about:.
South Dakota is busy trying to abolish abortion while in Oregon today there was yet another high school shooting. Let's focus on keeeping the born alive, shall we?


And if this Dubai-run Port business is all above board, why all the secrecy? Why no inestigation? Why did Dick forget to brief GeorgeII ? Why this is being spun as politcal by the Bushies and racist by the UAE? It's about money and security. The Port Authority which put the kibosh on it thinks so too. What is a kibosh?

Here is some lovely news from Tex and Ruthi:
Grandson#2 (un-Dewey) has finally decided to be born, 8lbs 10 oz , and here they are, Baby Sawyer and a man in a tie. A tie in Florida?
.
Grandson#1 calls Tex: Grandpa Dude. How very Lebowski!
Morgana's youngest Rachel and her husby are pregnant. She was a baby herself what, 30 or so years ago? Geez.

Do y'all know about Matisyahu? He's an Hebrew-rapping reggaer-rocker. Dude is righteous.

Kinky Friedman, musician (Kinky Friedman and the Texas Jewboys) mystery writer and might I say anarchist, is running for Gov of the State of Texas. Lot's of luck boychick and remember to duck. If'd was me, I'd be running from the Gov of Texas.

I often find myself between a rock and a hard place, geographically as well as metaphysically so I collect along the way.
I have a special collection of tiny magic stones from various people and places in a magick box made by Morgana, a magick personage.
I like to keep a stone or 2 on the lamp by my bed and I usually rotate them (if I remember) because they have various properties for different occasions, to keep the magic fresh and because they need to be attended to.
Because of Fibro, I take gazillions of pills. It is my habit to take some when I go to bed, then read or sometimes watch "Sex and the City" on TV and take the sleeping pill at lights out. I try to practice good "sleep hygiene" which is actually a real thing. I was very tired the other night, but couldn't sleep and I had bad and crazy dreams all night having to do with kennels and the story about the runaway whippet at JFK airport. (again with the ports!)
Cut to last night when I got into bed and noticed my little blue pill was right where I had left it.
The stone, my birthstone peridot, was not.
Happily, it had rounded edges.
No wonder I had such weird dreams.

Oops, I almost forgot to explain about the smelling. (Cognitive impairment in FMS is called Fibro Fog, but I forget why.)
I have anosmia, no sense of smell, and chronic sinusitis. It seems that the Avelox I took a few weeks ago may have worked! Depending on the weather and the barometric pressure I can smell! The frequency and accuracy is only about 50% and the odors are distorted and weird and sometimes too overwhelming, but I know they are there! The fragrances I get (and love best) are garlic, coffee oh mama and laundry. I had a piece of 80% chocolate and almost died from ecstasy. Will I be able to smell spring again? Joy! Rapture! If I regain my sense of smell, does that mean I can't call Steve Stinky anymore? Will I be motivated to cook again? Will I get over my unreasonable hatred of Aromatherapy?

BB on top of Mount Carmel

My old profile photo needed to be changed; I am rarely, if ever that glamourous and was getting on my own nerves. Here I am in my natural habitat and time (daylight). This was last July, in Haifa. The name of the street is Yofe Nof, which means beautiful view, not far from where Steve's family lived. It is breath-taking, like everywhere in Israel. Look for the gold dome of the Bahai Temple, it's built on 12 terraces, from the top of Mount Carmel to the bottom at the Med Sea. You may wonder, as well you might, why we are in the shade. It was 108 and definitely humid. But, it was yofe!













These pleasant photos are being brought to you as a thank you for yesterday's long, if not overdue rant.Your courtesy and attention are hugely appreciated.
Also, please be advised that I put in a meter to count up my lurkers. Big BB is watching!

I - ay can't go for that , no can do

School vouchers?
I don't know where you live, but in NYC the annual tuition for each public elementary school kid is about $20K. Taxpayers should pay more because the schools suck? What about a lower-cost option:
reducing class size (!!!!!!),
improving teachers and paying them more (damn, they don't push paper, they mold living beings!),
and realistic standards (contrary to Bush belief, there is no standard child) that teach kids to use their brains so they can learn and reason instead of memorizing tests.
I have seen such waste in City and Federal programs, it's shameful.
Change "no wild plan left behind" and do your homework!

The Fed-approved secret deal that will allow to Dubai run entry ports in the NYC area?
Astoundingly stupid! And guess what? I live 5 minutes away from one!
Even our Gov protested weakly; they are not yet releasing him from the hospital following appendix surgery because......, he's too full of crap, literally as well as figuratively.

Donald Rumsfeld
We were TV surfing the other night and happened on Charlie Rose interviewing someone whose back was to the camera but whoses hands were twisting and quivering like those of the Weird Sisters in MacBeth. It's Rumsfeld, says I. How knowest thee?, says Stinx. I felt the evil, says I, even over the airways.

Dick Button
I swear I would love to smack that man. Button him up and send him on his way! It's bad enough that the skaters can't keep up with themselves, the costumes are ridiculous, the music grating (lose the singing!) - the announcers talk too much and are nasty, negative, opinionated and shut up the both of you!
Actually, watching most TV is much better done with the sound off.

National Archives
Removing historical documents ( some of them previously seen and copied) in the name of secrecy and security? Barring the door after the horse has bolted, what? And for what?

Death from cartoons? Incredibly unstable governments, famine, drought, plague. World-wide threats from hurricanes, mining accidents, bird flu, mudslides, war.
Do we need to get our priorities straight?

2,270 American service members have died since the start of the "Iraqi war". My unscientific tally averages 2 deaths a day, by the NY Times,

Crystal meth
It's so late 60's! Why did we not learn it is much, much worse than heroin and yet still so much easy to get?

(These last questions are obviously rhetorical, she coyly reveals, yes, yes and zillions in drug lobbying)

Arresting "Arrested Development"
We taped the marathon finale of the show and I thought I'd split my sides!
Was it too naughty, too sharp, too out there? For many, wonderfuly so.
I will miss the Bluths, they were worth the releasing of the mute button.

Westminster Dog Show
It's not shown on un-cable TV and we homies don't do cable.It's unfair and biased agaginst humans!

*By the way, I certainly did mean to express my desire to solicit opinions concerning the Ideal Type of Dog For Us.
All suggestions and/or warnings are most gratefully welcome.
To reinterate:
We will get a shelter dog but it must:
not shed, bark or drool
not need grooming/cuts
not need running
not roll in the catbox or other unsavory element
medium size/portable, altho we both love giant dogs, they are not practical
like kids, cats and other dogs
be black and white (optional)
Ha! this list is all about dreaming. Love and only love will determine the outcome. Meanwhile our catlessness ache has not abated, nay, it has increased.

Contractors
I'm more confused than ever about how to re-do the kitchen and must decide on a general plan of action and also where to put the bathroom (excuse me, powder room) to maximize space.
You cannot believe how hard it is to get someone to answer your call much less come give an estimate. And the horror stories of my neighbors' contractors!
But I am motivated not only by the thought not having to climb stairs in order to pee, but also, finally getting our pets-to-be.

Eew-mails
I don't get why people who get insulting, racist, sexist or degrading emails read them. Even harder to understand is why they are forwarded to me.
Just say no.

Yesterday, 2/20, was the first anniversary of my Mother's death.
We finally gave away everything in her house that was worth giving, a very good feeling and also one of closure. Her furniture has been dispersed throughout our extended families and that would have made her very happy. Not only was it recycled, but I can visit it! Sarah's got the old mirror and chair. I have photos of me at 6 months od on the couch that my Daddy re-upholstered at least 3 times since they bought it in 1935, now it's at Jeanettes'. Me and Tina have some of Roz'(s?) old self-rejected paintings. How cool is that? We and the boys went out to the beach on Sun - it was colder than a Greenland glacier and so windy, it made ripples in the sand but the sun was strong and it was amazing clear and crisp. How will I ever remember to bring the camera? The beach has always been a very strong, spiritual place for me and now I feel my mother very strongly there. It was a wonderful day.

Twisted canals, crazy weather

Dear children, I know you have all been waiting on tenterhooks (perhaps in empathy,) for the story of my root canal yesterday. A grimmer tale you will be hardpressed to hear! First, I have a huge abcess ("how rude to put it that way, I said") and I may lose the tooth, dear sweet #18, a molar, one of a set of four of which I've grown quite fond lo these many years and am loathe to part with.
Additionally, there is another trouble-maker lurking in my Eastern jaw (head to toe is north to south, ear to ear is east to west, no?) a tooth, #2 I believe which may or not be cracked but was found to have a "pocket", an apparent harbinger of doom, destruction and/or removal. The combination of this news and the 12,000 shots I received rendered me shaken and stirred and clutching at the dental assistant for sympathy (they are all very wonderful there). Too late I realized I forgot to ask for gas! Realizing I had at least an hour more ahead of me, I requested it and was told there was a fee which turned out to be 90 bucks but as Steve said, worth every penny. My anxiety level is in direct proportion to time spent in the chair, but can further reduced by watching the ordeal on CC TV. I've seen it so often, I could probably do it myself. So, there are 3 roots in #18, all badly twisted. Of course! The root worked on yesterday yielded an ancient copper filling which turns out to be toxic as well as an agent for infection. Could it be ever thus? I've got at least 2 more visits. So it googled Root canal today and boy was I ever sorry; way too much information. It seems that either I lose my teeth or suffer from the root canals themselves even tho today they no longer use toxic metals.
In my nitrous-induced state, I got hung up on canals and Mars and Ray Bradbury, so it was very weird when the dentist said my roots were red, like the Martian canals,from the copper. And why is it orthodontist and endodontist but not dontist?

Our cat visitors are gone, we are bereft and I have this sudden awarness of being alone, which does not usually faze me. But logically, we should wait for new pets till the kitchen is redone. (Older peeps are more logical and practical because they don't really need to give a crap)
Thanks, Catherine for the tip, Bichons are on our list. You sent me on a web trip to pet sites that drove me crazy but abide I shall and anon, it will rain cats and dogs. As of late, I have been accosting people on the street to grill them about their dogs. This is aberrant behavior as it is my usual custom to accost the dogs while snubbing the owner.

Last Sunday we had 2 feet of snow, but it's been gorgeous and in the 50's all week. Today is 60 degrees, Sat nite we expect a high of 15.
(No global warming, Tex? Just insane weather, record icemelts in northern glaciers and warming oceans. Don't worry, soon you will have an oceanfront home.)
My bro came up on Wed and I took him for a Thai lunch (for Valentines Day, cause I love him ) and we went to the Bklyn Botanical Garden.This is the Japanese Garden, if you look closely, you can see that I'm yet again on thin ice. It was gorgeous and we had a fun day. It was a long time since we spent some quality, fun, nothing-serious-to-take-care-of time together. It was metzuyon! (excellent in Hebrew, tho it sounds like Japanese) He took Steve and I to an italian dinner, Joe and Marion came to pick up the kitties, so they came with us. Twas brillig!

A friend in Israel forwarded an unbelievably racist letter printed in a Spanish newspaper decrying the Inquisition and the Holocaust but pointing the finger of blame in the wrong direction. The scariest thing about the whole fucked-up world situation is, its becoming a "them or us" thing, Islamists and everyone else.
It's so not about that.

Honey is home early for the holiday weekend and I must jet, but remember to keep all those dead presidents in your heart! The Constitution meant something back then.

when snowflakes fall, I wish you love

Happy Valentine's day to all! I am back in the land of the living, purified by snow and rejuvenated by cats. We went to Fla to escape from death, but it was waiting at home. How could I forget all those sci-fi stories? No matter, nothing is more life-affirming than shoveling 2 feet of snow and then snuggling in for a few days of TV and eating bad stuff. On Sun, UPN aired 5 Voyagers in a row!!! It was a gift from the television gods. We rented "The Brothers Grimm" which should have been a lot better. But the details were amazing and I enjoyed it very much. I do love Terry Gilliam, whatever. Anyhow, the City did a pretty good job with snow removal, for a change. It costs NYC one million dollars for every an inch of snow. It's a whiter shade of pale.
For comic relief we had Buster and Frannie (real names: Spencer and Kate), my cousins' cats with us for 10 days. They both have long hair, are devious, bold, too fuzzy, demanding, curious, and adorable. It was great to have cats in the house and we are thinking about getting another one and a woofie dog too. I am partial to black cats and jellico cats and big shlumpy black dogs, but for the sake of practicality we will look for a portable, medium size dog that does not shed, drool, require grooming, require long runs and most importantly, is a rescued dog.My dreams are full of cats and dogs.

Florida was fabulous, here are the shells I promised.
We drove north from Tampa to Weeki Watchee, stayed with Camille and JR at the incredible house on the river that they built most of. We saw manatees! Then south for a few days in Bonita Springs, (astounding birds) across the Everglades (alligators!) to Miami Beach, (botox ladies!!) then up to Coral Gables (New Yawkers!)to stay with Ruthie and Tex, who turned 60! Of course we were treated like royality, cooked for and fed to bursting, but it was all the hugs and kisses and togetherness that made it great. I know Camille for almost 30 years, and Tex almost 40. The story of Tex and Ruthie is a good one, but for it's for another day.
Below, JR, me and Camille are on the left,Tex, Ruthie and Stinx are on the right, but not politically, which reminds me, how funny is Dick? Is it not delicious that the Republicans are having trouble with quail/Quayle again?

I'm in a Jewish state of mind

Probably because of my grief and my Uncle's faith. I've been thinking about a conversation with a very perceptive 18 year old I met yesterday at the shiva. I'm constantly astounded about how cool kids are thesesdays.We discussed our respective trips to Israel where he felt, as did I, a very different place then the one portrayed in the media. After the service he mentioned how the rabbi had made a reference to the 6 million Jews sacrificed in the Holocaust. He did not think sacrifice was an appropriate term for murder which was intriguing to me. I was brought up in the 50's with the then media-popular concept that the Jews were exterminated, an extremely prejudiced and loathsome view, so I had to mull awhile with this one.
This morning I opened the paper and there was a story in the NYTimes with it's usual slanted American view (especially from columnists Myre and Erlanger) about the lastest from the ultra-right, ultra-orthodox, ultra-illegal settlers in the West Bank. They resisted expulsion and attacked the police. Over 200 police and settlers were were injured. As I thought about this unbelievably useless and criminal act, an act against their own Jewish state that so many had sacrificed and died for, it realized what the rabbi meant. It was a sacrifice because it was so shameful and heinous, the world would never forget, so it would not be in vain. It tightened a bond that unites all Jews. And it was a prelude to the ultimate sacrifice, for the State of Israel, a place where peace takes precedent over religion. The sacrifices of Jews should be over, now we have a place of our own. The Rabbi's sacrfice was not in vain.
It's unspeakable that in the midst of external choas and internal instability, that some use this as a political ploy and Jews attack Jews.
You know, in Israel people greet each other with, Shalom. The response is always, Shalom, Shalom.